LAST NIGHT

Dear God, last night i was dreamed about him.

It's look so REAL. My dream's not black and white, but so colourfull. So strange.

And he look so REAL in my dream. I could touch and hold his hands. I can touch his face, look into his brown eyes, and touche his softy hair. There's no spaces between us. There's only fingers to fingers, our skins and i could hear him breathe. Slowly but so lovely.

The dream was so beautifully. Sam's looks beautifully indeed.

Maybe, this is your other way, God. Because YOU know, i'm so missing him.

Thank you for complete-ing my Christmas with him. Even it was just....

DREAM

This could be the end of everything

I walked across an empty land
I knew the pathway like the back of my hand
I felt the earth beneath my feet
Sat by the river and it made me complete

Oh simple thing where have you gone
I'm getting old and I need something to rely on
So tell me when you're gonna let me in
I'm getting tired and I need somewhere to begin

I came across a fallen tree
I felt the branches of it looking at me
Is this the place we used to love?
Is this the place that I've been dreaming of?

Oh simple thing where have you gone
I'm getting old and I need something to rely on
So tell me when you're gonna let me in
I'm getting tired and I need somewhere to begin

So if you have a minute why don't we go
Talk about it somewhere only we know?
This could be the end of everything
So why don't we go
Somewhere only we know?

Oh simple thing where have you gone
I'm getting old and I need something to rely on
So tell me when you're gonna let me in
I'm getting tired and I need somewhere to begin

So if you have a minute why don't we go
Talk about it somewhere only we know?
This could be the end of everything
So why don't we go
Somewhere only we know?

This could be the end of everything
So why don't we go
Somewhere only we know?

.Keane.

This song is truly reminds me of you.


Oh, God. I really really miss him.

(some) Fashion and Photo's works

For this time, i'll added some of my fashion and photo's works. Enjoy! :)



Fafi is super cute. So i made this looklet (Looklet is a website to make some LOOK's)



Or this :



This is another look from my looklet :



MY CHILDHOOD"

Inspired from when i'm at age 7years old. The sneakers, the dress and the sweater. :D




"One thing is missed in this fotog is Y O U.."



"My First Baby : Doggie"



"My Second Baby : Pinot"



"Heaven is overrated"



"Most peoples do hate this : WAITING"



"LOS TRIOS BANDIDOS"



"GO GO! NINE NINE!"



"The Harmony Maker"



"The-Beautiful-Combo's"



"The I-MISS-YOU.."

What do ya think ??? :p

T.A.K.U.T

Aku membiarkan jari jemariku menuntunku untuk menulis. Tanpa tahu akhirnya apa yang akan aku tuliskan disini.


I do really wish, you will realize how many nights i've been cried over when i thinking about you.

How much i wrote in every chance i've got, to wrote about you. Can you see? Or will you see?

Sometimes i'm so damn tired without you. It's too monotone. I'd must admit that i need you so much closer. You are wanted and needed. HERE.

And if someday you asked, why i always wrote about you?

Karena ini perihal "takut".

Perihal "takut" apabila pada akhirnya aku akan melupakan "kamu". Sehingga kamu hanya akan menjadi secuil kenangan di sudut pikir. Yang pada akhirnya akan ku lupakan.

23.26

Yang tersayang, setengah jiwaku.

Rasanya setiap malam berlalu cepat sekali yah? Sekarang udah bulan ke - 12 lagi. Udah mau Natal lagi. Kalo kamu inget, ini natal kedua kita. Well, times flies so fast. Tapi aku inget Natalan taun lalu, kamu gak ada kabar sama sekali. Dan kamu baru kasitau di awal taun 2009, kalo ternyata kamu kecelakaan dan harus masuk rumah sakit. Dengan alasan kamu gak kasitau aku, kamu gak pengen khawatir.
You are so cliche, LOVE. But that was a super sweet thing you'd for me.

But like i said before, times flies super fast.

Tuhan pasti melihat, betapa susahnya setiap malam aku nyoba buat ngapus bayangan kamu. Tuhan pasti mendengar suaraku yang super keras kalo lagi ngobrol sama dia, dan Tuhan pasti mengerti kalo di akhir doa-ku, pasti akan berakhir dengan aku nangis.

Seandainya, melupakan kamu kaya lirik lagu Keane, We're strangers in an empty space. I don't understand your heart. It's easier to be apart . But God, me and (maybe) you know, it wasn't easy thing to do. It's like an another hard days night for me.

For sure, i've been so good and i've been so worse. It's alright. Maybe all this tears, sadness, an often damp eyes or even the smile you was given to me is a reminder that you were real.




"Aku rindu sekali denganmu, sayangku. Mungkin lagi - lagi aku harus berteman baik sama waktu. Untuk menemukan seseorang lagi seperti kamu.

Yang bisa membuatku seperti ini lagi. Membuat aku jatuh cinta setengah mati sama kamu...."


"The pain is the only reminder that he was real" - BELLA SWAN "New Moon"

a lack of #iwish

#iwish i have a great christmas this year

#iwish i got some holiday time to go anywhere i want

#iwish my superfinal last grade in college, could be done in next year. February or March. SUPER AMIN!!!

#iwish i'd could transformed into a unicorn and feeling so mystical

and the last

#iwish i could have you here, together. i'm so focken missing you! :/

You burst up the air i breathe

I guess my mind is always behind the doors on the places you go in.

I feel so much painful when i'd just woke up in the morning and i could crying over my pillow.

I'm falling to hard with you. I'm buried deep you inside me. Feel you in my blood. You feed up my oxygen when i breathe the air.

YES. I'm buried you too deep. TOO DEEP. It makes me wanna run into hills. And i screamed out. To bear up all this sadness.



I WANT TO FEEL YOUR LIGHT AGAIN.

SHOOT ME THROUGH MY VEINS WITH YOUR SHINES, Mr.SUN.

PLEASE!

Metafora cuaca

Bagiku, cuaca adalah metafora. Berpikir tentang cuaca menjadi ungkapan yang aku gunakan saat ingin menyimpan hal lain yang gentar untuk di utarakan.

"Bagaimana cuacamu?"?
"Aku biru."
"Aku kelabu."
"Aku cerah, sama sekali tidak berawan. Kamu?"
"Bersih dan terang. Tidak ada awan."

Begitulah. Kadang aku biru. Bisa berubah jadi merah. Menyaru menjadi merah muda. Atau datar seperti hitam. Dan lebih sering abu - abu.

Biru karena aku tenggelam dalam lautan bualan - bualanmu, yang membuatku merasa itu semua bohong. Padahal sebenarnya aku senang dan tidak bisa tidur membayangkannya.

Merah karena aku terkadang khawatir padamu. Marahku hanyalah sekedar metafora untuk menyatakan yang tersirat. Aku sayang kamu.

Merah muda ketika kamu merelakan waktumu di pagi buta, hanya untuk mendengarkanku berkeluh kesah tentang jam tidurku yang berantakan dan hal - hal tidak penting lainnya.

Berubah menjadi hitam sewaktu kita berdua sedang berada di titik kebosanan dan merasa bahwa memang seharusnya ini diakhiri. Walaupun terdengar dan memang menyakitkan.

Lantas seketika cuaca itu berubah jadi abu - abu. Karena kisah itu telah berakhir. Kamu telah pergi, perlahan dan meninggalkan aku sendirian. Berada dalam pusaran langit abu - abu ini karena kamu tidak menyisakan warna satupun untukku kecuali

ABU - ABU.

----------------------------------------------------------------------

Aku tidak memilih cuaca itu. Cuaca itu yang memilihku. Memilihku untuk tahu seperti apa ketika aku berada didalamnya. Dan kemudian, memahami dan memaknainya.

"Suatu saat, bisa besok, lusa atau kapanpun cuaca itu menghendaki untuk berotasi kembali, aku akan memilih putih.

Putih karena aku siap untuk memulai lembaran baru lagi. Seperti kertas putih untuk di corat - coret. Untuk kamu - kamu lainnya."

Selagi kau lelap

Sekarang pukul 01.30 pagi ditempatmu.

Kulit wajahmu pasti sedang terlipat diantara kerutan sarung bantal. Rambutmu yang tebal menumpuk disisi kanan, karena engkau tidur terlungkup dengan muka menghadap ke sisi kiri. Tanganmu selalu tampak menggapai, apakah itu yang selalu kau cari dibawah bantal?

Aku selalu ingin mencuri waktumu. Menyita perhatianmu. Semata - mata supaya aku terpilin masuk ke dalam lipatan seprai tempat tubuhmu sekarang terbaring.


Sekarang pukul 02.30 pagi ditempatmu.
Tak terasa sudah satu jam aku disini. Menyumbangkan lagi 216.000 milisekon ke dalam rekening waktuku. Terimakasih. Aku semakin kaya saja. Andaikan bisa kutambahkan satuan rupiah, atau lebih baik lagi, dolar, dibelakangnya. Tapi engkau tidak ternilai. Engkau adalah pangkal, ujung, dan segalanya yang ditengah - tengah. Sensasi ilahi.

Aku tak pernah terlalu tahu keadaan tempat tidurmu. Bukan aku yang sering ada situ. Entah siapa. Mungkin cuma guling atau bantal - bantal ekstra. Terkadang benda - benda mati justru mendapatkan apa yang paling kita inginkan, dan tak sanggup kita bersaing dengannya. Aku iri pada baju tidurmu, handukmu, apalagi pada guling....sudah. Stop. Aku tak sanggup lagi melanjutkan. Membayangkannya saja sudah ngeri.


Kini izinkan aku tidur. Menyusulmu ke alam abstrak dimana segalanya bisa bertemu. Pastikan kau ada disana. Tunggu aku.

Kalau boleh memilih satu : aku ingin mimpi tidur disebelahmu. Ada tanganku dibawah bantal, tempat jemarimu menggapai - gapai. Tidurku meringkuk ke sebelah kanan sehingga kita berhadapan. Dan ketika matamu terbuka nanti, ada aku disana. Rambutku yang berdiri liar dan wajahmu yang tercetak kerut seprai.




Tulisan ini untukmu. Hanya untukmu.

Terimakasih karena kamu mengerti. Meskipun tanpa bertanya

Dan pada akhirnya, AKU MENGERTI

Sedari dari, hujan tidak berhenti mengguyur. Dia belum lelah menumpahkan segala beban yang menghimpitnya semenjak waktu sudah bisa melahirkan anak-anaknya. Jam, Menit dan Detik.

Aku disini, menikmatimu. Menikmati setiap tetes yang menyentuh dingin ujung jari kakiku. Menikmati setiap inchi aroma tanah basah yang terhirup oleh hidungku. Dan tidak bisa menghirup bau khas kopi yang kuseduh barusan.

Dan di situlah aku akan menguraikanmu. Tidak lain, melalui kata - kata. Duduk dan bacalah.

Kamu ingin berhenti memencet tombol tunda. Kamu ingin berhenti menyumbat denyut alami hidup dan membiarkannya bergulir tanpa beban. Dan kamu tahu, itulah yang tidak bisa dia berikan kini, Hingga akhirnya...

Sampai pada halaman kedua suratmu, kamu yakin dia akan paham. Atau setidaknya setengah memahami, betapa sulitnya perpisahan yang dilakukan sendirian. Tidak ada kata, peluk, cium atau langkah kaki beranjak pergi, yang mampu menjadi penanda dramatis bahwa sebuah akhir telah diputuskan bersama.

Atau sebaliknya, tidak ada sergahan yang membuatmu berubah pikiran, tidak ada kata "jangan" yang mungkin, apabila diucapkan dan ditindakkan dengan tepat, akan membuatmu menghambur kembali dan tak mau pergi lagi.

Kamu pun tersadar, itulah perpisahan paling sepi yang pernah kamu alami.

Ketika surat itu tiba dititiknya yang terakhir, masih akan ada sejumput kamu yang bertengger tak mau pergi dari perbatasan usai dan tidak usai. Aku yang merasakan apa yang kau rasakan. Yang mendamba untuk mengalami. Aku, yang telah menuliskan surat - surat cinta padamu.

Surat - surat yang tak akan pernah sampai.

CALLIE

I'd just saw this movies. And it's so damn adorable. In every scene and every dialogue was melted me in.

I remember what Ellie said to Carl in last message. "Thanks for the adventure. Now go have one of your own"

That's what i'd wanna say to Sammy. Really.

This is about you

How are you my nowhere man? I'm kinda miss you. Err..actually i miss you so damn awfully.

I guess i've been surrounded by tears, damp eyes, and crappy moods lately. I will not blame on you and you don't have to apologize. Because i'd made a decision to let this happens to myself.

Huwh. This eyes never tired to shed some tears while it reminisce back our memories.
Especially when the night was come earlier. I feel alone. And for sure i will ended up with crying in the dark room.

I fell in too hard with you. But unfortunately, you have your own mind and decision, and i can't stand for it. So i prefer to let myself go without any noise, without letting you know i was gone.

It's hard. So fuckin hard for me. To being around without you besides me. Without someone i can't hold on to. I'm always asking, "What are you doing..?". And you will answers it, "I've got a lot to do while i'm thinking of you."

And you keep continuing types, "I'd really wants to be with you. Together and lean on to each other. I'm so damn wants you. Do you know, in the night like this i keep dreaming about you?"

Every words you said to me was beautiful. But you told again, WAIT FOR ME. I'm so sorry, i can't. I can't stand with how you think about the world. This world not only about you, baby. There's me and others.

Then suddenly, i was create our silence. We both comes out silently and slowly let go the tied heart.

But until now, you still had my heart. I keeping you in every words i wrote, just like this. I always wrote you a letter that might i never been send. Just like this, again.

The Birthday Girl

Tepat setahun yang lalu, aku berada dalam ruang yang sama, waktu yang sama, dan kamu yang sama. Hanya tahun terus berjalan, dan tidak pernah berhenti.

Kamu masih bernafas disana. Membisikkanku kalimat, "happy birthday my dearest". Dan aku tersenyum mendengarnya. Lengkap sudah perasaanku saat itu.

Aku bukannya menyesali. Dan aku bukannya mengumpat Tuhan. Hanya saja, setelah dirinya pergi perlahan dan kemudian menghilang, sebagian dariku terasa kosong. Tidak pernah berhenti hujan.

Aku masih berdiri disini, berusaha merelakan pergi kenanganmu. Tidak pernah berhenti untuk lelah merangkainya. Sendiri. Berusaha menyatukan apa yang tersisa. Supaya bisa aku kembalikan kepadamu. Utuh.

Jika semuanya sudah kembali bersatu, semoga kamu akan ada di sana untuk menerimanya kembali. Untuk menerima memori yang sempat hilang itu. Dan aku akan berada disana, untuk melihatmu bayanganmu pergi.


Thanks to : family, friends, and all of the peoples who made a wishes for me. Thank you so muchh. And for sammy, just take care. I hope you always alright.


Mucho Obrigados :)

POLYVORE made my day

enjoy Ms.Leighton !

The RAIN-BOW

Someone said, after stormy day, they must had rainbow in the end. And suddenly i realize, i'm not alone. I've been surrounded but all of the best peoples in this whole world.

Family. Friends. Every little things that made me laugh. And others, and so so.



With all these blessing, me no need any reasons to be sad again. YEAY :)

DIG IN

I can't find any sentences or even words to wrote in our story.

Can you finished the ending ? Our ending ?

Time will tell

Maybe the world seems to blur for me right now. But i know time will heal. And the best people will stayed. Forever.


Never give up on me. Promise.

Power of nap

Sleep. I wanna sleep like a squirrel.





I wanna sleep until i'm hung over. And when i'd woke up, i forget all the things that made me hurts.

LEARN

I'm totally breathless and gasping for the air. But from now on, i'll learned to breathe. Without you.

The Rain and The Teardrops

I wish raining is yet to coming. To covered up this damp eyes into. C'mon washed me. So everybody don't know i was crying for you.

Let's go to BOSTON.

I think that I'm just tired

I think I need a new town to leave this all behind

I think I need a sunrise cause i'm tired of Sunset

Would you come with me?



Let's get lost together, baby.

i wrote you a letter

That i might never been send.

Happy Birthday. 23 is the new 18 anyway!

Kepada Tersangka dibawah ini :




Err. Today is your BURPDAY. So i will post something random, 23 random things about you. ENJOYYY !

01. In old form, i do say to you : HAPPY BURPDAAAAAAYYYYYYYY. Hip Hip Huraaah xD

02. In case you wondering why i made this for you while on TRS, there is another us birthday before you, i don't know the answers. really. i just want to made this day special for you. don't ask again. blup.

03. Masih idealis gak ? Ganti haluan gih jadi REALISTIS. hahaha ;D

04. Banyakin Sholat om. Biar tetep jadi ketua rohis di TRS dan didoain biar bisa naik jabatan jadi ustadzah. Aminnnnn. hihihihi.

05. Collaboy udah gada. Tapi trus muncul Bandhagen. Ayo dong ayoo di wujudkan bikin bandnya. Gue siap jadi tukang foto kelilingnya. harrharrrr xD

06. Jangan minta tiket KOC ke gue buat hadiah ulang taun lo. Bokek meeennn ! Tapi kayanya lo udah ga minat yah om. Payah ah. Bukan die hard fans berarti. NGOK.

07. Gimana ama kerjaan ? Mudah - mudahan lancar jaya makmur ke depannya. Kalopun kerjaan yang ini belom sesuai sama hati, yah di doain biar cepet dapet yang paaassss. AMINNN

08. Nyambung sama nomer 7, gaji bulan berikutnya mana? *siap nyatronin ke rumah sambil bawa gunting rumput*

09. Semoga makin akrab sama cowok lo yang orang INDIA itu. mau nyaingin papi yes. saik. haar haarrr xD

10. Gue udah pernah bilang belom pengen dengerin lagu Collaboy ? Kirimin dongs ke email. Mau gue jadiin status di fesbuk co. Kan kemaren udah nulis di wall.

11. Gada kerjaan banget ya gue nulis beginian. hahaha. well i just try to be different. walopun udah keduluan mamen, ah yang penting usaha. ngeek.

12. Makin sibuk yah. kerja, naracap, KOC Indonesia, Indonesian Frengers, sukses buat Tribute To MEWnya ya. Take care always.

13. Gue ga ngucapin lewat sms ya. Trackball blackberry gue ga bisa turun coy. Gabrug banget dah hape eyke.

14. Tambah deket sama keluarga , sayang ama kita2 The Rombongan Sirkus yang terdiri dari : Andre Febrianda, Decky Arrizal, Deva Mamen, Herry Mulyamin, Indika Sumardi, MYSELF, Nando Kamilina, Papski Indra, dan Yanti Kusumadewi. I love you, you love me. We're gonna make a BIG FAMILY , truly BIG i guess. hihihi :D

15. Beli sendal jepit baru aja sombong. mereknya swallow bukan ? ngeeennggg :p

16. I hate you because you always give me truth. grrr >.<

17. Sometimes life isn't easy. BE TOUGH. Semakin keras lo di jatuhkan, semakin tinggi lo akan melambung.

18. Baik baik, tambah awet juga yah om sama Mbak Rina. Never give up on her :). No other words lah kalo itu. Cihiy !

19. Did i've say, i miss you?

20. Or i love you ?

21. Because I DO. You are like brother to me :)

22 . Happy Birthday once again. Semoga dirimu meninggalkan jejak yang baik dimanapun lo berada. I wishing you bunch of lucks. May all the best things happens to you. I will remember you like yesterday, tomorrow and everyday.

Yah mungkin postingan gue sekedar postingan sih om. Someday i will laugh on this fool i made to you, :))

Eh iya, untuk point yang ke 23 (smoga bukan 32), i will posting something in your facebook. Just wait and see :)

God Bless !

Don't be late !

Like i said before, i will post craps here. So this in one of my shitty imaginary looklet




Tea Time with The Queen and Prince Harry :D

TO : DAY

Listen. I want you to hear on everything you don't want to hear. Said things you don't want to say.

And i want you to hear me. While i always hear what you said. I guess it's not hard enough to do.




You're just like this road. Long, winding and foggy. I don't like but i keep repeating you in my minds.

HELL O

Hell O again to blogspeople. actually i have another blogspot account. but so damn unfortunately, i forgot the nick and password. so i do have made this one. again.

i will post so random. photos, my saddest or thoughtfully words, lyrics, music or whatever you named it.

well must go now. see ya later, strangers !